Would You Choose Chuck Norris to Survive?

by Todd Walker

I hate hypothetical scenarios with situational ethics.

Remember the roundhouse! Source

In a recent training for fellow math teachers, our instructor started off the day with ‘what if’ situation. I’m normally bored to death at these types of trainings. My prepper ears perked up when she threw this bomb at us.

She tells the class that we are about to be bombed. There’s a bunker that only holds 4 people. The problem is that there are five people needing shelter: a doctor, parent, lawyer, athlete, and movie star.

“Who would you choose to survive in the bunker?” she said.

She divided us up into five groups and assigned each group a character to represent. I was randomly chosen to be in the ‘movie star’ group.

She gave us 3 minutes to devise a plan to convince the other four characters that we deserved to be saved from the bomb. Of course my Survival Sherpa brain went into overdrive.

We were the last group to plead our case. I was elected spokesman for our group with one minute to argue our point and one minute for rebuttal. My opening line was…

“Hi. I’m Chuck Norris.”

You’d think that would be enough. Apparently not. The movie star was eventually voted out after being tied with the lawyer.

I tell this story not to make you think about who would be the most valuable in a TEOTWAWKI bunker. But to stop you, or at least slow you down, from judging preppers by their day jobs.

Let’s break down each of the characters voted into the survival shelter in this exercise in futility. No background knowledge was given for any of the potential bunker residents.

Doctor

The doctor argued about the ability to save lives, medically speaking. Everyone needs a good doctor, right? Doctors know how the body works and how to heal… blah, blah, blah.

My rebuttal: The last two years of DRG’s battle with cancer taught us that modern medical doctors are not very useful without modern medical technology. That’s why it’s called ‘practicing’ medicine. Without electronic equipment and BigPharma’s pills, doctors may not add much value in the bunker.

I would a prefer a general practitioner over a specialist in this case. Maybe an older country doctor that was use to making house calls and not afraid to use unconventional methods.

SmartPrepper Tip: Stocking up on medicine and medical supplies is smart. A more important resource is to develop skills and knowledge in alternative medicine and herbal remedies. The pills will eventually run out.

Parent

The main argument to keep the parent was for procreation. We’ll need breeders to repopulate after weathering the storm. Plus they have nurturing skills.

Rebuttal: (I didn’t add to this one) Others pointed out that the other three would have the same fertility properties as the parent. Note: gender was not specified for any of the participants. I think everyone assumed ‘parent’ meant mom.

Lawyer

One of my good friends argued the benefits of keeping the lawyer. She noted that we would need a lawyer who understood legalese when it came time to rebuild and write a new constitution.

My rebuttal: One reason we’re in the mess we’re in today is because lawyers were involved in writing our Constitution. It’s not that cut and dried, I know.

Immediately, another teacher from the lawyer’s firm piped up and declared, “The U.S. Constitution was written by farmer not lawyers.” Yes, she was demonstrating her vast knowledge of history and the success of our indoctrinating system of education. Not a critical thought in the collective’s head.

Athlete

This person made it into the bunker. They pointed out the benefits of having a strong, healthy person to do the heavy lifting. The athlete would also add speed and endurance and good genes for the parent in procreation.

Rebuttal: The physical strength of the athlete was intimidating for some. Many argued that he/she would take over and rule the group by sheer force.

Making Judgements without Background Knowledge

Choosing any of the above characters for survivability without background knowledge is an exercise in futility. The lawyer, my least favorite, could have been one of my readers who is a multitasking SmartPrepper who values personal liberty. I’d still want him/her on a short leash 😉

The parent could be Lisa Bedford, The Survival Mom, or James Wesley Rawles of Survival Blog, or an unknown SmartPrepper busy doing the stuff.

The point is to get to know people when building tribe. Don’t make hasty judgements on who can and can’t add value to your group. Vetting is important and takes time. You won’t get to know other people if you’re not in an active, ongoing relationship.

And just so you know, Chuck Norris doesn’t need a bunker anyway. He is the bunker!

Just for fun, out of these, who would you choose?

Keep doing the stuff!

Todd

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